The most important battle in marriage is the victory over yourself for happiness

If you do not know how to deal with the root causes of marital unrest, everyone around you, or those interacting with you, will have problems.
Today there are experts in every field, from experts in finance, marriage and family, children education, career orientation, health, nutrition … to sex experts, relationship healing. , divorce specialist … So when encountering any problems, couples will bring symptoms to an expert in that field for advice on disassembly.

But a lot of couples have finished this at home, before they can breathe a sigh of relief, then another problem occurs in a month or so. Continuing to find an expert to help … The marriage was just going to fix this hole, fill that hole. In the family marriage healing classes, many couples return to school because they have new problems. For example, after the previous course, they had a common voice in teaching children, agreed to fulfill their obligations with the families of both sides, were able to sit down and talk to each other … but now they cannot find. have a common voice in finance (such as who is a key in family spending, buying a car, buying a house or investing in real estate …). There are couples who, after healing the injuries of communication with each other, arise conflicts, so they prioritize personal development or business investment? Or the couple previously had a very heavy fracture because of the “13th zodiac child”, after going to the healing course, the couple’s relationship was quite good. But since then, the relationship between the bride and her mother-in-law has been born again, for the reason that the mother-in-law hates the bride is: “What medicine do you give my son, but now he is against me to defend her?” “What medicine did you give my son that he kept against me to defend you?” Illustration. Experts have many opportunities to observe in Love – Marriage – Family courses, find that every person who comes to healing courses, or to find specialists has his or her own symptoms, or relationship. Our system is facing to be consulted, “prescribed” … Most of the trainees just stop at the level of handling, or healing situations after the course. And every time they have problems such as getting stuck in the unification of parenting methods, parenting methods, conflicts of relationships, responsible behavior with paternal and maternal parents … they have to find experts to express themselves. problem, disassembly. The way it is going to heal this problem couples will have other problems in their life (the little ones quarrel about taking care of their children; the kids go to school, the children conflict with the official schooling. Many, or learn life skills; when children come back to life, they disagree about how they choose their lover; when the internal affairs of the relationship are okay, there will be problems with both sides’ paternal and maternal grandparents; when successful in making money, arising conflicts in the use of money, money management …). Just like that, until retirement, the married life will not necessarily reduce the problems of conflict. Then they argued about daughter-in-law, son-in-law, grandchild, grandchild, sui … maybe even quarreling about sleeping together or sleeping separately, eating bland or eating salty food. In fact, all the difficulties in raising children, disagreements between internal and external positions, inconsistency in financial management, problems with the blanket … the instability is not caused by children, internal affairs, finances, Or what is the problem of sex … but it is in an unstable relationship between husband and wife. Going further, each person himself is in turmoil. The war with oneself is the important one. Illustration. More specifically, where each person still has a lot of hurts and inadequacies, so that we haven’t been able to solve this problem in time, another problem has arisen. I thought that everything was finished handling and everything went smoothly, and suddenly that story appeared. After all, external instability is just a reflection of our inner turmoil. When we don’t deal with the root cause of our instability – whoever interacts with us, whatever happens to us … obstacles arise. This war is not outside (with children, parents, finance, health, or sex …), but is a war within each person. The problem is not that we find a solution in turn, or win in every thing that happens to us, to our family, but that we have to find a solution to win the war with ourselves. It is a battle with the ego, with the “I”, overcoming the limits of the physical world to enter the true mind, true and unconditional love of oneself. If we lose ourselves – that is, we will lose our ego – then we have to lose in every war. If we just run to settle the top, forever we won’t have any moments of satisfaction, peace, happiness. So when encountering any external problem, first of all couples go deep into themselves to observe, to connect and to realize what is wrong inside, the voice. Which is coming up… So couples will find it easier to see where the real knot of external problems is within themselves. Nguyen Duc Quynh (Love – Marriage – Family Consultant)